Really Broke

End of the month here. Finally, although I doubt I will feel much better then as opposed to how I'm feeling now.
Took Ramone back to the shelter today. Did some crying.
Realized that no matter what I do I still love my ex. I'm really broken. I want to hate him when I know he's out having sex with someone. I wish it was me he was holding and I hate it. Just.....hate this whole thing. Did some more crying.
My house is on the market and I still don't know where I'm going to be moving to when it sells. Finding a place to rent isn't easy. Did some thinking then cried more.
Realized I was thinking about my ex and how it felt to have him hold me when I cried. Cried even harder.
So the story here is I hate tear ducts. When they figure out how to remove them, I'm going to do it. Cuz this never ending supply of tears is bull shit.